Sunny Side Of Life

La la la la la la
Everyday I fight for
All my future somethings
A thousand little wars
I have to choose between
I could spend a lifetime
Earning things that I don't need
But that's like chasing rainbows
And coming home empty
And if you strip me,
Strip it all away
If you strip me,
What would you find
If you strip me,
Strip it all away
Ill be alright

Take what you want
Steal my pride
Build me up
Or cut me down to size
Shut me out
But I'll just scream
Im only one voice in a million
but you aint taking that from me
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me x 4

I dont need a microphone, yeah,
To say what I been thinking
My heart is like a loudspeaker
Thats always on eleven
And if you strip me,
Strip it all away
If you strip me,
What would you find

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/strip-me-lyrics-natasha-bedingfield.html ]

If you strip me,
Strip it all away
I'm still the same

Take what you want
Steal my pride
Build me up
Or cut me down to size
Shut me out
But I'll just scream
Im only one voice in a million
but you aint taking that from me
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me x 4

'cuz when it all boils down
At the end of the day
It's what you do and say
That makes you who you are
Makes you think about it,
Think about it
Doesn't it
Sometimes all it takes is one voice

Take what you want
Steal my pride
Build me up
Or cut me down to size
Shut me out
But I'll just scream
Im only one voice in a million
but you aint taking that from me
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me x 4

Hey, See it's hopless to try and forget her, she is everywhere, i just want her to disapear. She makes my life hell. She's everywhere, names on pencil cases, names on arms, at school, with all my friends making them hate me. I'm done of having her in my life. I'm trying to erase her, trying to move on, but that is not happening as long as people talk about her as if she is still my best friend someone i care about, who cares about me and who would always protect me. It's not the case anymore. We don't even say hello, she just gives me those dirty looks. and i'm don't want to complain to my friends because i know they will defend her, and tell her what i told them, i can't trust them, i can't trust anybody, just myself. and my work. It's hopless. I want to shout, tell everyone to shut their little trap and let me live.

"This could be a good life, this has to be the good good life" - One republic. a life time song, that tells everything i feel right now.

I have to act normal, have fun with my life, enjoy it as fully as i can because i only have one.

And i've decided to get a great grade in piano and on my last trimester. Deal ? YES!

Easy A, a hilarious film that i totally understand, because we all have to deal with that some time or another, and we all have this want for power to be popular.

<3

It's the book i have to read for next monday. And i just can't concentratre enough. By the way you must have noticed, i did not work. I promise i will.I swear on my sister.

It's a hard book to get on with. But it's quite intresting in the way it shows the human social life, how hard it is to give away your trust and your love. How sometimes your " fairytales" principales can't stay. How you have to play a role your not made for, or don't like.

It's..hard.

I have 2 other Chapters to read. And Then I'd be Done. (!) I also have to do my questions on Chinese Cinderella, and start my presentation on art.

x

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

A fragile frame aged
With misery
And when our eyes meet
I know you see

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
Pain
I am not alone
I am not alone

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

But I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I found it when
I was cut

--> That is a song that reflects exactly my past, and the hard moments my past brings up. It's exactly what i went threw, it also shows what i need to do, what i need to move on. And I can't do that. It's killing me. And I know i'm not the only one in my case. But we're all in little bubbles. And It's hard to take. All of it. But i'm trying, i'm pushing along, sometimes i don't want to wake up, sometimes, i don't want to move because i know that it's going to be one of those days with the same constant feeling.

Ever since what happened and what i did to myself, i never did it again. Just so if anyone reads this that i stopped. I promised to my mother not to do it, i promised to myself. It's a gloomy and horrid part of my life i should not reproduce again. ever.

So today i haven"t worked again, i should probably do that, but i just can't get my head into it.

I've been watching Vampire Diaries and Skins, continiously and it's quite weird. I don't usally like vampire love/slushy stories, but there is this whole mystery thing about origins and that is quite intersting and spooky.But I really shouldn't be doing that. I should be working.

" it thougt i could fly but i'm falling back to the ground, i'm not ready to let go" I should be forgetting femke, nikhil and all those memories from those good times and the trouble past, but i just can't and i'm having a hard time really. And i can't face the truth : It's over. The problem is that i'm stuck in the past, but that's also what made my present. It's hard to even face future. But i have to. That's how i'll see the lauphs, the rainbow behind the clouds. Umm, i getting all deep. I should stop the sad songs i guess.

Okay i'm going to work from 18H10 to late at night today. And if i don't i'll have to not go on facebook, internet AT ALL.

The other day, well yesterday, i went to the cinema with alex and pierre. And for the first time in like 4 months alex was normal, he made stupid jokes, played around. I think going out with that margaux brought him real happiness. It's a good thing, i couldn't bare him beeing an evil self-ish person. Pierre is trying to be "lovers" with me and I DON'T WANT THAT. I really like him as a friend but as a lover no way. It's like -ugh !

I also need to stop liking hugo, lucas and alex Mudd. It's a reaaaally bad time to fall for any of them. And i have to stop flirting with any boys..Exept if it's a party or anything.

I also need to work real hard on my violence issues. I have to stay calm, and never insult ( i don't know why i kept writting inslut-umm slut ?)  and never get at my sister. OR ANYONE.

And i have to see the SUNNY SIDE. :D

Well, i haven't worked at all, an i'm probably going out tomorrow, and Thursday there is my granny and friday i'd go out. so right now i should be working, but i can't be bothered to use my brain cells.
I think i'm going to do some piano, or just listen to some random music.
I'm kind of lost.
She, is everywhere when i just don't want to here about her. Everytime i get on facebook, i see her name everywhere. I don't want to have to deal with her anymore. It's to mych drama. If only i didn't know her. I like her but i despise her to. It's a pretty weird relationship. And everyone always defends her.

I really don't know what to say, i don't know how to start.
I don't know who i am, and what i want to be, but i'm living my life fully. That's all i know.
I did some stupid shit, and i'm not proud of it. I know i won't start again, but there is still that pain inside of me.
I always lie, i always hide what i really think i'm not honest. So you shouldn't trust me.
I say "i" But i don't really know who i am. I know what i would like to look like, who i'd want to be like, though.
I'm quite confusing and i'm confused myself.. So don't try an understand.

I have exactly 3 objectives from now on :
-Stop Lying, assume.
- Find myself and be myself
- try to see the Sunny Side of Life.

I Have Exatcly A week to do that starting now.